


Standing In The Storm, Screaming At The Sky

by Cinnamon (Sweet_Cinnamon17)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:02:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 5,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25652533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweet_Cinnamon17/pseuds/Cinnamon
Summary: Don't underestimate myability to turn you into ruins.I will shatter your soulinto pieces like you did mine,I will burn your sanctuarydestroy everything you know~The wrath pf Elizabeth BlakelyYou call me child,you call me weak,you call me naive,oh, but sweetheart, I am a goddess,my blood is made from stardust,and my heart of burning flames,I have the strength of a warrior,and the mind of a wise man,you thought you could lock me in your grasp,but my sword is sharp,and your grip is loose,and this is how I become the Queen.~K.s
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	1. An Introduction and Explanation

Hello! This is probably kinda dumb since... I've written and published the whole book, bUt WhO CaReS AbOuT ThAt WhEn i HaVe HiLaRiOuS aNd InCriMiNaTiNg ScReEnShOtS!!!

Basically I just wanted to put some bits into context for you new readers.

I was harassed on Discord by this dude Luke (which is a whole other story unto it's self) and that whole experience inspired the main theme of this book. I was angry and I wanted revenge. 

Luke already knew about my WP and he really liked my other poetry books so it was easy bait. 

And then my dudes *inhales*.. He started commenting, and his comments just gave me more and more inspiration so I kept writing.

Now I was scared he might delete his account or the comments so I screenshot and translated them so you all understand the context for pretty much a 3rd of this book.

I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!


	2. Don't Ever Cross Me

You all think you know me

You think I'm that cute

Shy,

Nerdy girl

You know I'm weird

And that I'm 'quirky'

But darling

Don't you ever, ever try to cross me

You try and mess with my head

Mess with my mind

God knows what I'd do

I'm not the same person I was before

I'm so much stronger

I've been here before

I know why you're doing

Try and mess with me and honey, you have no idea what horrors lie in wait for you

If you think you know me

Think twice my 'friend'

Because if you double cross me

If you try and mess with my head

And mess with my mind

I'll show you the part of me

The part that I hide

If you think you can get away

Oh just trust me

You won't be able to survive

I'm so savage you wouldn't believe it

You think I'm nice?

You think I'm cute?

Behind every pretty face

Is a stone cold

Ice hearted

Done with life

Sarcastic woman

Who won't put up with any of your crap


	3. Relapsing

Shivering, shaking

Bruises on my thighs

I think that I'm fine

My body's telling me one thing

My mind convinces me it's a lie

Deep down I know

What I'm doing is so so wrong

I can't help but feel

That maybe this'll help

If I starve my body

When it's crying for help

I have it all under control

I just don't really feel like eating

Maybe if I keep doing this

I'll feel fine

I'll look thin

I'll be alright

Deep down I know

No matter how much I try

I won't look any different

If fact I'll be worse

Pretending that I know

Exactly what I'm doing

When in reality

I'm cold

Lonely

And I'm so terrified

I thought I was doing fine


	4. I'm Done Making Excuses

I've seen your type of behavior before

I know exactly what you're doing

I know this behaviour is all you know

I know you try and be cool

Follow the crowd

You think it's so normal

And that's what's so sad

You think you're okay

You think you're nice

You don't even realise what you're doing

God Luke

You're such a Stephen!

You don't know when to back away

Preying on girls

Who aren't even the legal age

I want to say

'You don't know what you're doing'

But god!

I've told you several times

Even then you say it's okay

You think your behaviour isn't that bad

You're such a guy for thinking like that

The stuff you say makes me feel scared

Every time you're on

The warning light appears

I'm so tired

I can't take a break

Instead I'm reading every small thing you say

Don't flatter yourself thinking I'm obsessed with you

I'm watching you so you don't prey and manipulate

Another girl

Helpless

Innocent

And underage

I'm putting my foot down

I'm done with making up excuses

Don't get me wrong

I'm a very nice person

But the way you're acting

Just pushed the Witch Button


	5. My Identity

This image

My image

Looks perfect

I look like the woman

I always wanted to be

With my face covered

Only my eyes are showing

A glimpse of the turmoil inside

These eyes are the window

To deep deep inside

These eyes show

The struggle I've had

Dealing with my identity

Only those who look

Much much deeper

Behind the laughter

And the fake smiles

Past my tall

Thick walls

You'll see

The inner turmoil

The sadness

The anguish

That comes with the pain

And the blessing

Of living

Although

It's sad that my identity

Still troubles me


	6. All These Troubles

Why do I feel ashamed

Ashamed of my identity

I know I'm not the best role model

I know I swear

And listen to music

I know I bend the rules

And talk to guys online

I know a lot of what I do is wrong

And it pains me

That I feel like I can't live up to the image

Everyone expects of me

I feel like I'm letting everybody down

I still hide

I still keep secrets

I'm still writing

I feel like I always constantly cause drama

Just because my life feels boring

I feel like everything bad that's happened to me

I caused it

In some way

Or another

I feel like

As much as I want to move on

And be better

I'm still hurting

I'm still waiting

I'm so stuck

Feeling like I can't move on

I keep on thinking that someone else will fix me

But I keep reminding myself

That that job is only up to me

I don't want to burden people with my problems

So I hide them

And try and fix myself in secret

So when I say I'm fine

Or I feel okay

I'm lying

But what I really mean is

I'm trying to fix myself

So I'll soon feel okay


	7. A Devil Stands, Bringing Hell Right With Him

This poem was written by one of my lovely friends based of the line "Instead I'm reading every small thing you say, Don't flatter yourself thinking I like you." from I'm Done Making Excuses and it was so beautiful I had to post it.

Dripping wet,

green, healthy grass sways in the wind.

Each perfectly sculpted miniature blade sways

as the breeze blows,

warping slightly

before once again standing tall.

A hollow mist

with a silvery glow covers it,

a gift, it appeared,

a cloak from the heavens.

It represented everything good in the world,

despite its simplicity,

and yet, somehow, basking in its innocence,

a devil stands.

He appears as human,

but I could never let that fool anybody.

Ridged, thorny and cold,

his horns proudly jut out of his head.

They glow with an enticing light,

one faking innocence to mask the horrors that lie within him.

I can tell that his perfectly white,

angelic teeth are sharp and rotted,

that they can tear right through you like a knife through butter,

but I stay quiet,

in fact, I must for if not,

I dare to risk something terrible happening.

I notice every single thing this devil does,

the way he talks,

the glints he gets in his eyes and what they mean,

and just when he's about to attack.

Why did I pay so much attention?

To stop all hell from breaking loose

upon another like me.


	8. These Voices In My Head

The voices in my head

They can be so damn loud

It reaches a point where

Not even the good thoughts can drown them out

It reaches a point

Where they win me over

Where they control everything

And I don't how the power to stop them

These voices

These demons

It's not something I face alone

Everyone is fighting them

Or succumbing to them

Sometimes I'm just too painfully aware

Of all the anxieties and worries

Of things that aren't even my responsibility

I just can't help it

It's the anxiety that keeps me awake

It makes me wish

I could just live in ignorance

And act like a kid

But this is what happens

When you grow up too fast

I know it's a bit too late

But I'm still screaming for my childhood

The one that got brutally ripped away


	9. Now I Get To Show My Crazy

Not everything I write is about you

Except this

And a few others

I have to give it to you

You are amusing

Finally you got banned

(that was my doing)

Finally I'm rid of you

And all you have to say is

'Stay away from me'

Oh darling please!

Now that made me laugh

I wonder

How many times did I tell you?

I told you to back away

How many times did other people tell you?

That we're no longer friends

After 3 warnings

(and finally a ban)

After bringing everyone in

To this mess

To the drama

To everything you did

For weeks I had to put up with you

But now that you're banned

You only have to ask once

And you'll get what you want

Well sorry

but I'm not about to let you get away

Not that easily

You see

I'm done putting up with crap like this

Like the kind you put me through

I'm done with being meek

And not making a fuss

I'm done with men saying something

Only once

And getting what they what

But for women

No matter how many times

They have to wait

For the man to realise

So now I'm dragging you down

Because honestly

You've annoyed me so much

I didn't just get out of a toxic relationship

Just to get pushing into another

Honey one thing you don't know about me is

I've been to Hell

And came back

Riding on fire

So if you think I'm just going to leave you alone

*laughs maniacally*

On honey just know

You're going to be written in

To books you might read

And into poems

But don't make the mistake

Of thinking

That everything I write revolves around you

Because honey if it does

Trust me

You'll know


	10. Your Thanks Is Not Needed

Thanks

Thanks for what?

You don't get to thank me

You should just stop talking

You're just inspiring me

To write more

To slam you

And you know what

You can't even call me out for it

I told you I'd write a book

But it seems like I'm writing 3

You should've thought twice

Before annoying a writer

Now you have to deal with reading all this

I don't need your thanks

I don't need your validation

I just need to enter more awards

And hopefully win them

Your comments are not needed

I don't want to know what you think

If you're voting just to 'support me'

Then stop

Because I don't need any

Of your so called 'support'

Comment if you dare

But just know

You'll be giving me inspiration

And soon this book will be finished

Filled with poems about your comments

The comments you just couldn't keep to yourself


	11. Yes I'm Psycho

Sweetie you haven't even seen crazy yet

I've been holding back

You have no idea

Just how out of my mind

Just how psycho I am

If you think you can say something like that

If you think you can call me crazy

I tip my hat

And laugh out loud

So my poetry doesn't seem very crazy

At least not to you

You think you're brave

You still dare to comment

Everyone knows about you

They know who you are

They know what you've done

And trust me

They're all on my side

They all want to see you fall

Not because we hate you

But we hate who you are

You're what we call

A toxic man

And you are what we hate

With a burning passion

You haven't seen how crazy I am

Do you know why?

Because you've never looked me in the eye

You've never seen the pain

And the crazy

You have no idea what made me this crazy

You have no idea how crazy you make me

You know what you're still going to comment something

Because as long as you're hiding

Behind your phone

You can say anything you want

And all you'll have to deal with

Is reading the words

The words of a mentally unstable

Out of her mind psycho

Why don't guys ever learn

You've read my previous books

You should know

But what can I say

You're a man

I must say you've certainly got balls

To comment something like that

In this day and age

Where women are no longer dormant

Where women will go out of their way

To get justice

To destroy a man's whole career

Comment what you will

Just know I'll keep writing

And trust me

I don't tire easily

I'll play this game

For as long as you want

Unlike you I'm not alone

So call me crazy all you like

See what happens

When you annoy the psycho


	12. You Hope You're Not My Enemy

My mother didn't raise a fool

She raised a psychotic

Cold-hearted witch

But not a fool

I don't see you as a mortal enemy

I see you as someone

Who thinks they can say sorry

And get away with everything they've done

Don't you dare tell me what to do

I will stop when I want to stop

You can call me a nut all you like

But when someone hurts me

Or puts me though Hell

I will write about it

And I don't intend to stop

The pen is mightier than the sword

But my sword is just as sharp

Now listen to me carefully

Because I'm as clever as the Devil

But twice as pretty

For your sake you should hope

You're not my mortal enemy

For I am not only a writer

But a woman too

I wear smiles like a loaded gun

And I will use it

To bring men to their knees

Just know

You are either on my side

By my side

Or in my way

But this time you don't get to choose

Your actions have spoken for you

And that was the biggest mistake you've ever made

What's that? 

You still want to help me?

I don't need your help

Don't tell me what's good for me

You don't even know me

And if you tell me to calm down

Well then I'll just get even more angry

You don't know who I am

You can't tell me to calm down

You lost all the rights to even advise me


	13. Don't Call Me A Child

Are you seriously saying

I'm acting like a child?

Me

The person who's just calling it how I see it

The person who's sick and tired

Of crap like this

So if calling out something that's wrong

Or putting my foot down and saying enough

Or openly saying I'm done

Is that acting like a child?

Am I child because I'm standing up

For what I believe in

For entertaining what you're saying

Am I a child

Because I want to make a fuss?

Am I the child

Who ignores girls when they say

'Leave me alone?'

I'm not a child

I'm a queen

And a warrior

This is the last poem

I'll write about you

Because this stuff is getting boring

I wouldn't let Judas be such a role model for you

After all he hung himself

I'm not threatening you

You don't deserve it

I'm simply telling you the cold hard truth

The truth that you want to ignore

This isn't cyberbullying

This is called standing up for myself

This is called calling you out

Harassing someone

And not leaving them alone

Now that's cyberbullying

I promise you this is the last

Because this is just getting stupid

I must say though

You were definitely amusing


	14. You Can't Touch Us

Men become obsessed with us

All because we're pretty

Especially if we have talent 

They're constantly telling us 

How amazing we are 

Like we don't know for ourselves

They believe we need their validation 

They believe that we accomplish all this 

Because they're the ones that 'push us'

I don't need you to tell me

That I'm good at what I do

I know I do well

Look at the views and votes

On my books

I'm so high up 

You think you can touch me

But you can't

I'm normally nice 

But sometimes they push my buttons

In secret they're jealous 

Of the work we put out 

Of the talent we have 

To all the woman reading this

We're all Queens! 

Regardless of what they say

You are who you are 

And we are Queens

Because of how well we do

Without you

After all

He will- he'll- hell

She will- she'll- shell 

What women do is beautiful

And men just cause us to go through hell


	15. Are You Happy Now?

I'm crumbling and cracking

My mental state is breaking

They don't even realise

The damage they're doing

I'm just so tired

Of always being responsible

I don't want to deal with this

I don't want to deal with anything

This is the kind of anger

That burns

This is the kind of sadness

That's too heavy

These are the kind of feelings

I don't want to carry

Why does no one respect what I say?

Why am I constantly being ignored?

Am I seen as such a joke?

The look on their faces

As I scream

The way I'm brushed off

Or told off

For being too mean

They won't stop pushing me

Not until they drive me to the edge

They're driving me crazy

They make me want to sink to the floor

Screaming and crying

I just can't get a break

Instead I'm told

To not let it affect me

Or to just "calm down"

I can't do with of those

What all I can feel

Is anger and depression

When all I can feel

Is my mental state crumbling

When all I can feel

Is taking these pills

And ending it

Are you happy now?

You've seen me fall

You've seen me broken

Are you happy now?

You've pushed me to this


	16. Scars

I'm not hiding anymore

I don't care if I show them

These scars aren't a secret

Each one says

I survived

I'm not ashamed

To let everyone know it

Wearing shorts don't faze me

I don't panic if my skirt opens a bit

To reveal them

They may be a constant reminder

But they say only one thing

Survivor


	17. Everything Fades

After months and years

It was always there

I look down and suddenly

It's gone

Faded

I trace over the area it used to be

I feel sad

In such a twisted way

Although it was just a reminder

I've carried it's burden for so long

Now I feel sad that it's gone

At the same time

It feels like a curse has been lifted

The weight of that word is so heavy

Now that it's faded

I feel so empty

In some sick way

It was comforting

But now it shows

That all my deep cuts

All my dark scars

They're fading

I'm sad because they've always told me

''Look how far you've come.''

''Look at everything you've accomplished''

They were just a constant reminder

That I am

A Survivor


	18. This Is What I Want

This isn't something I want to wait on

I don't want to conform

To a capitalist society

Where having a job comes first

I'm 17

And already a failure with exams

Somehow

I don't feel like

That weighs me down

I know what I want to do with my life

These exams don't help

I don't want to conform

I don't want to put this on hold

For once in my life

I know what I want

I feel like I can finally put my past behind me

I can move on

I don't want to wait anymore

It's time I speak up

And do what I want


	19. Exams

I was in such a toxic mindset

In such a toxic place

I was friends with the wrong people

And I was barely staying sane

I was so burnt out

Just from studying

Cramming 4 years of work

Into 4 months

All while trying to please others

And be a good girlfriend

Crashing every three hours

Crying from the stress

I hit rock bottom

But I couldn't accept it

Every time I think of exams

All I want to do is cry

It's all such a toxic memory

And I didn't even pass

The only good that came out of it

Was writing my poems

But no way can I go back down

Back to rock bottom


	20. My Problem With Kids

I hate kids

Because all they do is ignore me

They never listen

They think it's funny

When I'm so mad I'm crying

No matter how many times I say it

It just shows how much attention

People pay towards me

I guess they all think I'm joking

I don't think anyone realises

Just how much this affects me

They don't see

Just how damaging

Toxic

And crazy this is

Maybe they think I don't mean it

Or I'm too angry

And sensitive

All kids have done is cause me misery

As soon as they come along

That was it

I felt cast aside

Forgotten

Only remembered when something was wrong

I don't think I'll ever like kids

Or even want my own

At least not until someone loves me enough

To forget these painful memories

To let these scars fade

Maybe then I'll have more of a chance

At healing

I just can't help thinking

Maybe if someone loves me enough

I'll be fixed

Instead of broken

But I know deep down

That'll never happen


	21. Being Angry

You tell me that anger destroys

Like I don't already know

You tell me to control ,my temper

You tell me to not let things get to me

You know how much of a problem this is

But you never once consider

That maybe I need help

Maybe it's not anger

Maybe it's sadness

Slowly eating away at me

Maybe it's that I'm always ignored

Maybe it's all the stuff you've put me through

Maybe saying to control myself

Doesn't help

Maybe telling me off for for being angry

Never helps

Maybe for once

You could think about how I feel

Or why I act like this

Maybe for once

You could actually help me

Instead of making me feel worse

Maybe you could even try to understand

That all this anger

Is just me not being able to moving on

It's just what everyone else sees

When I feel like breaking

It doesn't even matter

Because in the end

Everything that I feel

Is never valid

I don't get to feel angry

Over something tiny

In the end it doesn't matter

Because no one cares to dive deeper

To even try and understand

That being angry

Is just because I'm so damn sad


	22. It Keeps Coming Back

Why does it always have to come back?

This darkness

This depression

Every time I think it's gone

I'm lying

Because I just get better at hiding

Why do I constantly have to be broken?

Is it too much to just be normal?

What would it take for me to be fixed?

This sadness eats away at me

It makes me stay offline

It makes me hide

It makes me ashamed to talk

I can't burden them with truth

So I'll feed them lies

Pretending I'm fine

Trying to feel happy

When I can't even smile

It's better keeping them

At arm's length

Blaming it all on a bad day

I'd done fighting

It's just too much

This is a battle I'll never win

Oh great

I'm crying again

I've stood tall for so long

But now I'm crumbling

All the damage was already done

It's taken me this long

To finally realise it

This is what I get

For thinking what's the worst that can happen

To a girl that's already hurt


	23. Hope? Hope Feels Like A Joke

What kind of imposter syndrome is this?

I feel so out of it

I'm not myself

The reaction doesn't feel like mine

These thoughts aren't mine at all

Why do I feel like giving up?

Where's the Queen

That clapped back

And fought through poetry

The Queen that never put up with crap

She's gone

In her place

Is a sad

Depressed

Tear-stained face

Why do I keep crying?

I just feel darkness

Why is it so impossible to move on?

I keep thinking that I've won

That I've buried the past

Deep down I know

I'm 24/7 Sylvia Plath

Maybe I'd be better off dead

Since people don't appreciate my best

What's the point?

No matter how hard I try


	24. My Names

I've had so many names

I've shed my past like a snake

It feels as though I've lead many lives

Living as a Nora

Most of the time

Hiding behind these masks

And all my different names

I've lost track of how many

People I've created

Never really going by

The name I was gifted with

Hiding because of how ashamed I am

Of my past

Of who I think I am

Creating more names

Creating more masks

Dropping my friends

Just like that

Living like a snake

Slithering on

Trying not to look back


	25. This Temptation

When people ask to see what I look like

I can't tell you how tempting it is

To show them

To reveal myself

At the cost of losing myself

I've been here before

And it's so hard

I know the second I do

That's it

I'm gone

All my work to be better

Got yeeted out of the window

It's breaking that promise

I made last year

I only showed my face then

Because I didn't have the strength

To hold back

They didn't even know

How low I was

They didn't realise I hit rock bottom

But now

I feel like if I don't show myself

People will develop expectations

And once I finally crack

That's it

I'm too scared

I think I'll disappoint everyone

But what can I do

Other than to hold onto my faith

And my religion

God it's so easy

To get caught up in all of that

In the day and age of Instagram

And chatting through snap

It feels as though you're always judged

Like everything weighs down

On what you look like

Because I am what people call 'pretty'

I'm scared that if I show them

I'll be put back

Back to that rock and a hard place

This temptation is so so real

But I'm glad that I still have faith

And I choose not to give into that evil


	26. Results Day

It's been a year

But still

I remember it 

Like yesterday

I met up with my friend

The day before

Smiling and joking

I didn't feel worried

I already had expectations

And that was my biggest mistake

I thought I'd sigh with relief

But there was no envelope

Just an email we received

It was the first time I wore blue

We were ready to go

I had my shoes on

When dad stopped us

And we sat down

Before he read it

He said it didn't matter

Reading my sister's grades first

She did well

She aced it

My heart dropped when I found out

It dropped so hard

And I felt so heavy

Tears stung my eyes

And I felt the cold darkness

Forcing a smile

I laughed

Like it was no big deal

When I couldn't even look them in the eye

The word

'I failed'

Went round and round my head

Still, I was laughing and joking

Like it wasn't important

When all my hard work

Was wasted on nothing

Until mum finally got fed up

And told me to stop pretending

All the pain, tears and hurt

Finally got let out

It's been a full year

But I still feel the pain

Of knowing I failed

No matter what people say

I know they're comparing me to my sister

You have no idea how much it hurts

Being that big of a disappointment


	27. Empty Control

Eating more than once

Makes my mind spin out of control

I can't deal with these thoughts

That's it

You've gone overboard

It makes me worry

I'm going crazy

Not over calories

Over how many times I eat

Twice is too much

It doesn't matter if it was just snacks

I can't eat again

These thoughts makes me feel physically sick

God I thought I was over this

It's all coming back

The lightheadedness

And pain

All the rational thoughts

Mix with the bad ones

I know this is no way to go

But feeling empty feels so good

I can't stop

I need to be in control

But even I know

I lost it all ages ago

All I can do now

Is hide

Trying to be the good guy

While my brain convinces me otherwise

Why does my mind

Spin out of control

At every tiny thing

Freaking out

When I eat more than once

I can't lie

I'm so damn hungry

But this feeling of empty

It feels too good

And it convinces me

I'm all in control


	28. 11:30pm

I'm torn all the time

My mind can't choose

Am I happy

Or am I sad

I'm crying all the time

And I don't know why

I'm feeling too much

So I try to repress it

There's a war going on in my mind

I'm trying to hide

Blend in with the crowd

But part of me can't stop

Crying out for help

I'm trying so hard to stay hidden

But I keep sabotaging myself

I just can't win!

I can't stop shaking

Anxiety is raging

Every move I make

Causes me to feel uneasy

God!

I'm just one person!

I just need to stop!

But I can't

My mind won't turn off

Going over every tiny thing

Bringing up old memories

Until I'm lying here crying

Sleep doesn't feel like escape anymore

Instead it's the void of darkness

It's the place where all my thoughts

Become real to haunt me more

How can I go from being okay

To this?

How can I be so kind to others

Yet when the time comes

I'm beating myself

If this is insanity

Then it's torture

I just want it all to stop

I don't know if I can take it

I'm so tired

I don't know if I can keep fighting

Before my mind caves in


	29. Blue Skies Forever

I think she knows

Of course she does

She's forcing me to eat

What can I say

Other than 'I can't'

The thought makes me feel too sick

It shouldn't be too dangerous right?

I'm just not hungry

Okay maybe I am

But I can't help thinking

I can't

I shouldn't

I just want to be happy

But I can't

Not like this

All this

Just to feel control

But it's all slipping through my fingers

I can't stop

Every time I think I can

It just gets worse

They start commenting

Saying I should just stop eating

They have no idea what they're doing to me

Everythings so reversed

I can't help but ignore

All the good

Letting all the bad get to me

There's no more night

I have to regain control

But it's so so hard

I'm not happy

Constantly thinking

Worrying over this

Forcing myself to ignore it

Maybe it'll all go away

If I pay no attention

But deep down I know

That's no possible

Trying to forget my problems

I lust for life

Staring at these blue skies

Forever


	30. My Found Family

Back then I was weak

I didn't have the energy to fight

Instead I just agreed

To anything and everything they said

I lost myself thinking I'd lose them

My so called "friends"

Even when I thought I was myself

Deep down I knew

I was still a mixture of everything I thought they wanted

Still I tried to hide it

Pretending I was happy

That I was free

Now I can honestly say

I know who I am

I was able to make better friend

Friends who respect my opinions

Who respect me

They make me feel so welcome

Despite not knowing my full picture

But that honestly doesn't matter

I'm surrounded by these people

These people I'm honored to call friends

You make me smile

You make me laugh

You're there when I cry

You're the reason I get out of bed in the mornings

You motivate me to do my best

You're like another family

Even though we're all broken

We make eachother happy

I hope you all read this

You're all my found family

And this is the only way I can express

Just how much you all mean to me

How much I love you all


	31. My Inner Turmoil

Yes I'm not normal

I know I'm not

I know there's more

Than what I already have

The way I freak out

Over something so small

Even when I console myself

I can't help but think

It's like I'm the doctor

As well as the patient

Telling myself it's okay

But I can't help but shake and cry

The aching pain in my chest

God it hurts so much

It's like I can feel myself getting sick

The mental strain starts becoming physical

I don't know what this is

Is this why I can't concentrate

When I'm left alone with my thoughts?

Is this why the slightest thing

Will set me off?

Am I sick?

Does no one else see it?

Or do they think the way I act is normal?

Is this just another side effect

A side effect of abuse?

Or am I still in the mind set

That everything I do

It must be perfect

I'm too scared to bring it up

What if it's all in my head?

What if I'm creating something

To blame all my actions on that

God I don't know

It feels unbearable sometimes

To try and pretend to be normal

When my mind is torn and warring

And my chest aches with pain

And when I let it show

A fraction of this pain

It's turned into anger

And I'm told to just calm down

And to stop being so sensitive


End file.
